


One last goodbye

by Maybeitsspidey



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: But neither of them knew because they were both too afraid to say it, F/M, He and Pepper moved to the country but didn’t have Morgan or get married, Heavy Angst, Hurt Peter Parker, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Other than that it’s relatively close to the actual plot(s), Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter is 17 because reasons, Takes place between endgame and far from home, The only real difference is that Peter and Tony loved each other, Tony kept the tower when he moved, except it mostly is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23564980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maybeitsspidey/pseuds/Maybeitsspidey
Summary: Calling Tony’s phone one last time a couple months after his death, Peter leaves a final message, telling him what he wished he could have when he was still alive.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark (mentioned), Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Kudos: 25





	One last goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why I felt it was necessary to write something so depressing, but here we are. This is mostly, but not fully, Infinity War and Endgame compliant, except Peter and Tony were in love with each other, didn’t know, and Tony and Pepper were only engaged and didn’t have Morgan. The whole living in the country thing still happens. 
> 
> I apologize if there are any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, I’m not the best at proof reading.

Peter's phone sits against his ear, the mask of his suit pulled up, over, and off his head as he listens to the numbers being entered through his phone, feeling like it’s going in slow motion as he listens to the ticks. 

He can feel the wind whipping against his side, the Iron Man memorial painted on one of the buildings across the street looking right at him, so familiar yet so foreign at the same time.

His phone’s tone is so familiar to him Peter doesn’t even notice when the sound switches out, the automated woman’s voice filling his ears with the same sentence he’s learned by heart.

“You’ve reached the inbox of-“

The message cuts out, Peter taking a breath as he readies himself for the next part.

“You know who I am. Just kidding, It’s Tony. You know what to do.”

Peter flinches as he hears the name, _his_ name, the man he loved but couldn’t tell, eyes welling with tears at the sound of his voice, even though he’s heard it now every week, every Friday at eight o’clock, for the last couple months.

The same time, same place, he used to call all those years ago, making sure their time in the lab together was still on for after his patrol, when he would hear Tony answer, hear his real voice, back before Peter was blipped and Tony moved out of the tower, to the country with Pepper.

The machine ticks back over to the woman for a moment, her robotic voice making Peter blink a few times as he listens to what he dreaded to hear.

“This inbox is almost full. Please leave a brief message and they’ll get back to you soon.”

He knew this would happen eventually, knew the answering machine would fill up. Even then, Peter didn’t think it would hurt this bad to admit to himself that no one was listening to them, that _Mr.Stark_ wasn’t able to listen to them.

He told him everything on there, weekly updates and sometimes his own life stories that he told himself Tony would listen to, like he hoped he did back before everything changed.

He could remember the old times like they were yesterday if he tried hard enough, looked past the pain of hearing Tony was engaged to Pepper, past him dying in Tony’s arms on Titan, past the next and last time he would see Tony, the man dying on the same planet, five years after he did.

Thought back to that morning, the morning everything changed.

He and Ned had just finished the newest LEGO build the night before, Peter a bundled mess of no sleep and excitement at going to Tony’s that night, the older man having promised new upgrades to his suit after he got back from his school trip to the MOMA.

He could hardly contain his smile at the thought that morning, re-reading the text Tony sent him over and over again, his bus driving down the bridge, an alien ship rolling into New York right behind them.

_Mr.Stark: See you at eight, kid ;)_

He didn’t know what awaited him or the team, the rest of the world, when he got on that ship. Didn’t know that his life was about to change. Peter can remember if he tries, those final moments he had on the ground with Tony before he got sucked into the ship, helping him fight the aliens. 

Making sure he was okay when one pinned him down, reaching for each other, as if saying, _I’m here for you_ , and the time on the ship with the doctor, wondering what May was thinking, if she knew what he doing.

Becoming an official Avenger. That definitely hadn’t crossed his mind, the moment so perfect, the lingering of Tony’s hand on his shoulder, the scared look in his eyes that he thought Peter didn’t see as he turned away.

Wishing he could have said it then, said, hey, Mr.Stark, _Tony_ , I know I’m only 17 but I’ve been in love with you my whole life, I know you’re with Pepper and I’m really happy for you and your engagement but you make me really happy and…

Wanting to say it even more when he had laid dying on Titan, his spider senses making everything dialed to eleven. The hard ground under him, the wind, Tony’s touch on his side, petting his hair, a second-long grasp of his chin to look him in the eye, a thumb swept across his chin and bottom lip, so quickly Peter swore it didn’t happen. 

His mentor's eyes, sweeping all over Peter's body, what was left of it, the barest brush of his hand over his hip that had made him shiver.

The sweep of his own tongue across his lips, not sure if they were dusting or just dry, Tony’s eyes following the movement, an unreadable expression on his face when he closed his eyes and grabbed onto Peter's shoulder, the grip so hard his knuckles had turned white.

Peter, whimpering from the pain, wishing he could have lifted his hand and cupped Tony’s cheek, ran his thumb over his jaw and the stubble he always dreamed of marring his own skin, got closer to him for once, as close as he would never be allowed to get.

“I’m sorry,” Peter said, feeling his arms start to disintegrate, wishing he had held Tony when he had the chance, wishing he did so much more with him when he had the chance, wishing he told him the truth,

_Don’t let me go, I’m here if you want me,_

Holding Tony’s gaze when he felt it slowly, agonizingly drag up his body, his healing trying it’s hardest to keep him together, to keep him with the one person he never wanted to leave, on the planet he never wanted to be on ever again.

Going up his neck, slowly, reaching his mouth when Peter started to whisper, tried to admit his feelings, in death, “Mr.Stark, I-“ just as it had reached his lips.

Tony had sagged as he’d watched, opening his mouth to say something, something Peter would’ve given anything to hear him say, if he hadn’t left then, his mind and the rest of him floating away as Tony had fallen forward. 

He grasped Peters dust or maybe just the dust of the planet to himself, hands reaching for more, as he spoke the words alone to himself, the words Peter had longed to hear but never would,

_“Don’t leave me, I need you.”_

It hurts, the pain of the past hitting Peter so hard he almost falls over from the force of it. He can taste his blood in his mouth as he roughly bites his lip, the tears staining his skin, the wind drying them but not fast enough. 

He wants to scream, to cry so hard he can’t anymore, to tell someone that he hates them, for someone else to hurt besides him.

When the answering machine beeps, he takes every second that he gets, voice wobbling as he rushes to say what he needs to; what he has to.

“T-Tony. Mr.Stark. I miss you so much. I’m at your tower now, on the balcony. They’re selling it, you know. You’re everywhere I look, sir. There are memoirs for you all over the city. I can’t lie and say I want to see them. I don’t. I hate seeing them because it reminds me that you aren’t here. I should’ve tried harder. You-“ Peter rushes, voice cracking, having to take a second to collect himself before he continues.

“You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Mr.Stark. I'm in love with you, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I know you would have hated to think you messed me up, even if you didn’t. I think Pepper knows, even if she never said anything. She was always so nice to me, that’s why I never said anything and kept it to myself, I couldn’t-“

“We’re sorry, this inbox is now full. Please call back and try again later.”

The machine cuts off, the line going dead as Peter yells in frustration, tossing his phone onto the ground as he sags against the wall of the building, knees pulled to his chest.

He can see the Avengers sign reflecting in the building across the street, brightly lit and illuminated in the glass walls, a final farewell before they take it away, taking away Peter's last connection to his favourite place in New York. He shivers, fisting his curls in his hands as he leans his head back on the wall.

“I couldn’t tell you and ruin what you had, Tony,” he continues to himself, talking low, just for him to hear, “Even if you were everything I wanted. When you said you and Pepper were over, that bit of time before the engagement... it was wrong how hopeful I was. I wanted her to be gone to give me a chance. I hoped you wanted me too, I loved our time in the lab together, when you would pass me a tool and our hands would touch. How dumb could I have been? The brilliant, billionaire Tony Stark, and me, a lousy kid from Queens?”

Peter laughs, sniffing as he wipes under his nose. “It didn’t matter that you were so much older than me. I didn’t care. I never felt like there was any age difference between us. I loved everything about you, still do. Even all of the things you hated about yourself. I didn’t think you were ‘damaged’, or ‘broken goods’. All I saw was a man doing his best for the people he loved. You made me feel like I was an equal, a part of the team. Then you tried to make me an official Avenger, and I said no. What would have happened if I had said yes, had followed you into that room, full of reporters? Would you have-“

Peter sobs, angry tears on his cheeks as he scrubs roughly at his face, “would you have changed your mind? Not proposed to her at all? I’m selfish, I know that, wanting you to myself. Happy told me it was a last minute decision. Even then it still hurt. It felt so… dirty, still wanting to see you, daring to touch you, even if I could only do it for a second after that, knowing she was wearing a ring you bought her. I couldn’t have you to myself anymore. You would probably hate me if you heard me say this,” Peter whispers, closing his eyes as the wind ruffles his hair.

The night is too quiet, even the hustle and bustle of New York City life underneath him not loud enough to cover up the aching emptiness Peter feels inside, deep in his heart.

No more building things together, decoding formulas together and Tony’s proud smile when Peter got it in under a minute, no more upgrades to his suit, new things he never even thought of adding himself making the tech that much more improved. It was all gone, just like that.

“I know a lot of people expect me to just move on and act like it didn’t happen, act like you’re not gone. No one knows how it feels, Mr.Stark.” Peter sniffs, “I may have just been an intern to everyone else, but you made me a part of something bigger. I only knew you for two years, but you held the guilt of losing me inside of you for five of yours. Then you sacrificed yourself to get us back, to get _me_ back, and I can never thank you enough for that.

I died in your arms, you.. you died in front of me. I can still picture it, you know. I have nightmares about it. That place. The way you looked, laying there, the way your body… you looked so tired, Sir, when Pepper told you that we’re gonna be okay, but so at peace, too. I hope that someday I’ll be able to not want to cry when I hear your name,” Peter sighs, looking back at the penthouse door one last time as he stands, imagining his and Tony’s movie nights on the couch not there anymore, the takeout dinners in the kitchen now empty of anything.

“Thank you for giving me some of the best experiences of my life, Sir. It’s hard to keep doing this, being Spider-Man, when everything I know has changed. It hurts knowing I can't just swing by the tower to see you anymore. It's the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, will continue to do, but I know I have to. Someone’s gotta look out for the little guy, right?” Peter whispers the last part, climbing over the railing to sit on its edge.

His body feels too heavy as he shoots a web at the adjoining building, the bright city lights bouncing off the cord as he gets ready to go home. Peter holds his phone in his hand, sitting loosely on the railing of the balcony as he looks down at his screen.

The picture they took together, a fake certificate between them, the only serious looking thing in the photo full of bunny ears and smiles, shining back up at him. Peter grins wetly, the lock screen fading to black as he looks up to the dark, cloudy sky.

“If I know you, Mr.Stark, you would tell me not to look up to heaven because you’re not even sure you’d get in there. I hope wherever you are, whether it’s heaven or not, you’re happy. I love you. More than I probably should have. You were one of a kind, Tony, and I owe a lot of what I know now to you. Don't worry, I’ll look after Pepper for you. I owe that much to her, to the both of you. I’ll love you forever,” He says, shoving his phone into his suit as he puts his mask back on.

Peter closes his eyes for a moment, savouring the familiar feel of the ledge under his feet as he remembers all the good times, knowing that not forgetting them, not forgetting _him_ , will eventually make the pain easier to deal with.

Jumping off the building, he hangs onto his web, whooping as he flies through the city, the lights, people, and cars all whizzing by in blurs of colour. Feeling the air around him, thick in the New York City way, his home, surrounding him and holding him close, protectively, almost like Tony did that day on Titan.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @Maybeitsspidey.


End file.
